Anoraks Anonymous - A Play In Three Parts - part three.

Shorty Wave: Well thanks again for your thoughts at today's meeting and finally I have asked John to tell us how he finally decided to join Anoraks Anonymous and the benefits he may have derided by our meetings so far. As always just tell it how it is John.

John: Well, after over thirty years of anorak addiction I decided it was time to quit as I was getting close to losing my mind. I have very few friends outside of the community and even with my family I still sense the unease, you know, will he start on about Radio Caroline again, even when I try it only takes someone to mention a trigger word and I was off. Something like "have you heard Taylor Swifts new album" and without hesitation I would just huff and comment, well you wont hear that on Caroline.

Shorty Wave: So what happened, how did you go about quitting rather than losing your mind, as you put it?

John: Well for a few months I had weened myself off of Caroline, I listened to Radio Jackie, it wasn't the same but it had a fresh younger feel to it, like it was in the old days, I knew I was to old for it, but at least I felt a little more cheery for a while. I went back to the pretend Caroline North broadcasts each month, they might have been from Essex but they were on a boat that occasionally moved a tiny amount, and lets be honest, it was less, oh how can I put it, less dull presentation and music wise.

Shorty Wave: I sense you are holding back a little John, would you like to chat some more about this next week?

John: No, it's time I cut to the chase, I am sorry but this was always going to be difficult. Well Caroline was never going to be the same after the offshore days. I was well informed enough to know that each incarnation of the station was different, unconnected so to speak. By chance I had met one of the radical 'Anorak Bloodline Trolls' and that experience left me shaken. Those people are dangerous, cross one of them and they will hound you for months. OK there may not be many, but they are fanatical, just the tiniest negative comment about 'The Lady' that's how they refer to Caroline and they send round the Bishop. Nobody knows his real name, he uses so many on the free radio forums, that's where they tend to meet up these days, to agree whose out of line and needs sorting out, or to pay obeisance to 'The Lady'.

Shorty Wave: Go on John, this is fascinating.

John: Well you never know where you stand with these guys, I mean they are constantly moving the goal posts, at one time a person called Garry (known as the legend) kept these people in check, but alas it's seems like they have even got to him, that's how crazed they are, it wouldn't surprise me if they had given him a verbal kicking offline. It's almost surreal nowadays, one moment DAB stands for dead and buried, the next Caroline is on some tiny DAB outlets and it's the future! A few years back community radio was derided, it would never work, it was a sell out, but now Caroline has joined in and it's wonderful and they have a whole kilowatt to cover their heartland, which apparently turned out to be just Suffolk and North Essex, even Ronan couldn't have made that one up and boy did he tell some tales!

Shorty Wave: But surely Caroline covered most of southern England back in the day?

John: Well that's what I thought, but if the Bishop say's it's only that area that counts as the heartland then who was I to argue. His boss has the boat, the license, the true believers who will volunteer for as long as they can, it's almost like a cult or religion nowadays.  Finally I had a moment of enlightenment. If the Anoraks have taken over the asylum, well then, it is time to get out. Joining Anoraks Anonymous finally made sense. You share facts, something Anoraks usually compulsively resist, as they say who wants to know, who cares. But after a while for me, a sense of understanding, a calmness of no longer being considered a little strange by those around you, and a thing called logic kicked in. I woke up one morning and shouted out loud, "I can be normal, I can have many friends, I no longer need to send in reception reports, I am reasonably adjusted and I feel fine".

Shorty Wave: Thanks John, any final words before we all head down the pub to get some well earned beers in.

John: No, lets go and sink as many as we can, and get a few blissful drunken hours forgetting these nutters.